Have you ever wanted two things so bad- things that could not happen at the same time? And remember me telling you that I was going to apply for a master’s degree in Berlin?
In the beginning I wanted to go and I wanted to stay, each in equal measure. But as the days went by I began fantasizing about the opportunities that would open up for me and the new life I would be living. Don’t get me wrong: I love my life and the great company I am in. One of the toughest things about leaving Ethiopia would have been the thought of being apart from this company. But as the date for the announcement of the decision drew near, my hopes and fantasies had all but relegated my fears of departing to the background.
Don’t ask me why but I was optimistic of my chances of getting in .I had a post planned to celebrate my acceptance: it went something like “this calls for a post, not a toast” referring to my prediction of the state I would be in .You know, the state that would have been brought by the ramifications my going to Germany.
At this juncture, allow me to say “doesn’t anyone give a damn about posting on this site anymore?’’. I have told you my reason and Tilaye has posted something that looks like “yebere genbar”. Betty may be writing something soon and Senai comments occasionally. But it is awfully quiet up in here. Zimitaw yiseber wegenoch !
Getting back to …. Yesterday was decision day. I checked my mail in the morning and the afternoon and nothing. Then in the evening came the e mail man. I opened it (the e mail)….
Again, let me stop here and tell you about something I saw on a fire extinguisher. Number one on the operating instructions is “carry to fire”. I mean, is that not supposed to be a given? You see where I am going with this?
I did not get accepted a.k.a. I got rejected .Take your pick.
What I remember seeing first is the “regretfully” at the end. I stared at the letter for sometime as if to rearrange the letters with my bare eyes (is this expression correct?) and make them read “you have been accepted!”
The joy of staying did not seem so appealing at that point in time. The “I wish I was dreaming“feeling from a few posts ago came over me. I went to bed but as usual sleep turned out to be a sorry excuse for a means of drowning my fears, disappointments, etc. Everytime I try and do that (like when Manchester loses), my troubles keep on waiting for me on the other side of the night; hands crossed on chests like “what now?!” True enough, I had an awful night and woke up feeling like shit.
Failure is a bitch.
I am now at the damage control phase. I have to disconnect the synapses that used to paint beautiful pictures about my expectations. My ongoing education must receive my undivided attention. I should not be stressing about how I could have done better in the past and how I could have been accepted by the institution. I do not even know the criteria on which I came short. Most of all, I should get back to the mood I was in when I was commenting on T’s bits (RIP); then everything would be just peachy.
It is too late for me to ask this question. But Tilaye, why did you stop your blog? Why man whhhhy?
Is it true that Gemini make for shitty teachers? I went into teaching against astrological advice and look what happened. On Saturday about a quarter of the class showed up, the ones present were either sleepy or bored, and word is that my teaching methods did not sit well with the students in general. This just in, I read on Encarta that teaching is one of the professions associated with Gemini. The teacher who succeeded me is a Gemini and they like him just fine. Tilaye, you is a Gemini; say something.
On the last post, I was asked about the political situation in Ethiopia. I, as most of other Ethiopians, was robbed of my rekindled enthusiasm on the subject by what happened in the aftermath of the Ginbot ’97. I hate Etv so I do not know what they are saying on that. But I have heard that the 38 imprisoned CUD leaders and journalists have been convicted of the crimes that were laid upon them. And the sentences can reach up to capital punishment. Some more people (at least one from our sefer) have been arrested on the same charges.
Better days are proving as elusive as ever albeit we are being constantly told that they are here. And this coming from a person living one of the “yetemechachu nurowoch” in the country.
On a happier note, there is this new singer who goes by the name Mikaya Behailu. I like her album.
This was Tibebe.
One
change. its good isn’t it. we all need need it……….
